For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Jun 4, 2010

Discovery of Marnie - Evolution of Internal Self

I wish I could easily find my first magazine images of Marnie...long dark hair, always near water. And my obsession with the 1964 Alfred Hitchcock movie Marnie with Tippie Hedron and Sean Connery pre-James Bond days. I was in 5th grade and it was when theaters allowed you to stay for as many showings as you wanted. I stayed there for three shows before knowing I had to go home.

After knowing I had DID, I found a used DVD online and found it just as riveting but also understood the great attraction...Marnie had trauma in her childhood, amnesia for the event, obsessive behaviors, fear of men, and PTSD.  Part of me knew I needed to remember that movie. Finding a part named Marnie made all of that fall into place.

These past few days I watched a "new" (unidentified) Polyvore image emerge as a part of me. Just this morning I got the internal message she was Marnie. I believe she is the part of me who makes sure I'm at my aquatics therapy sessions three times a week. It is helping bring back all the muscles that atrophied since the surgeries of 2007-2008.

I had noted to my life partner that something happens that I go from slug to total motivation when it's time to get ready for therapy. It truly feels like a different energy and now explains why I often blank out while driving to rehab. Marnie loves the water. I guess I helped her heal and now she's helping me to heal.

Thought it was interesting that the gorgeous "portrait" of her beneath the sea was the earliest Polyvore set, not knowing who she was. But here she is now nearly a year later coming forward. I had an even earlier set of her that was not as artistic where she was rescuing my soul (a little girl) from a locked chest on the bottom of the sea.

Am hoping this is helpful to those with DID. Answers come in no particular order and at times when no meaning is attached. I've been going to aquatherapy for two months and she just know is letting me know it's her. Kinda cool...I think.