For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Sep 22, 2010

Heart and Soul


By processing an extremely intense memory for several years, I have a sense of what the organized government aspect was seeking, in addition to other nefarious objectives. Many memories connected to having no heart, being heartless, shattered heart, irreparable. Wanting us to believe we were sociopaths. Of course all the external messages/lies were seen for what they were during the healing process.

I've had many confusing messages about "soul" in memories but know my soul was still in tact. My belief at this time is that the objective was to destroy soul so they would have complete control over us. No conscience...no sense of belief in a good higher power.

In processing the memory, I came to realize (my interpretation) that they believed heart and soul resided together. If one could literally destroy the emotional aspect of heart they could also destroy the aspect of soul. Without going into the traumatic components of the memory, they knew the soul left the body during death and wanted to figure out how to capture the departing soul.

One of the main people behind implementation of MK-Ultra was Sidney Gottlieb who worked for two decades as the head of the CIA's Technical Services Division. In his retirement, he was volunteer at a hospice (dying people). He also had earned his Ph.D. in death. The original Dr. Death.

Much of my memories have a focus of death...more an obsession to understand. Were they/are they still (?) after that perpetual fountain of youth. What I do know is that death was used to perpetuate my trauma.

Perhaps some had a predisposition to a sociopathic personality, as did my father. However, the many survivors I've known have a deep sense of sorrow and yearning to believe something in life is good. They did not take our souls. I pray the world wakes up to this underground before they indeed unlock secrets to make 1984 a reality.

In finding a link for Gottlieb, I also discovered this upcoming show on National Geographic, CIA Secret Experiments. It's still going on.
Posted by at

1 comment:

sarah said...

I can relate to alot of what you wrote... I have the same type of death theme. If I stay with a memory long enough it always has something related to death...

9/22/10, 7:16 PM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)