Diffusing harm alters

This is a technique my system already developed for me. I haven't seen it written as a technique anywhere. Will share trying to translate from both survivor/therapist perspective. I firmly believe this safe way of acting out harm programming saved my life...likely more than once. To engage in this technique, you must have acquired several coping skills and be comfortable with them. One is the ability to watch from the screening room a/k/a projection room.

Secondly, you must have protectors or caretaker alters who are strong and say they have the ability to do this. You can ask after you get all the details. If you don't have strong protectors, you can place protectors inside of you for this purpose. I tended to internalize television or movie characters who were strong and safe (to me). Some actors look kinda scary. I chose protectors who could handle me as a little...hugs were safe and telling me something was not okay was heeded (sorta). Loving discipline. But also able to handle adult who came out swinging or wanting to engage in harmful activities to self or others. You can use superheroes too.

Hopefully you have a main protector who will work with you on doing this because modifications might be needed for this to work in your system. My first cue to using what I called "The Halfway House" was feeling an urgency to SI or run away or go away or acquire something harmful. The purpose of the halfway house is to watch an alter act out his or her "programming" (trained job) in a safe manner.

I started out with the setting being my safe place. But I watched as a movie and "placed" the alter in the setting. Sometimes I didn't know which alter was causing the compulsions but she would show up when I did this technique. For me, I almost always had adult or little females, but occasionally had a young male alter.

These were the rules for the halfway house:
Only one alter in the halfway house at a time.
All necessary internal resources are available.
No matter what the alter does, s/he will be saved/rescued/live.
Once saved, the alter remains in protective care somewhere in the system where s/he can heal because she will have seen what was supposed to have happened to her/the body.

This may be triggering to some because of unhealed messages of SI. And if you are able to make this resource available, SI alters are welcome to come forward and ask to use it. Other times you may have to use it to be safe because you *know* something bad is supposed to happen.

This is a movie. You watch it as an adult which means littles are in a safe place unless there are littles who go with the alter to be in the halfway house. (By the way, you can call this place whatever you like.) I used to have an army of protectors initially...about eight because I could outsmart (at least temporarily) whatever safety measures were in place. I haven't used the halfway house in a very long time, thank goodness, although I used it briefly when Ellie was feeling so sad, wondering why she felt she needed to die and if she had a "plan".

In my internal world, I lived in a lovely mansion :-) My room had it's own bathroom which was always a source of concern for protectors. Because you know the kind of trouble we can get into in there! A protector was always assigned to keep guard over the bedroom and *me*. I was/am a different kind of child/adult as the inner adult. Thank goodness I've stopped acting out all that sh*t.

Whatever your set up is, have a separate contained room as part of the main safe place to begin with the halfway house. All protectors assigned to the halfway house will have their strategy which you don't need to know. You just need to watch to make sure you have time to follow through...when you are ready to go to bed at night, go inside and watch. Or take time for a nap but do this exercise instead. What you learn about the alter's ultimate objective may be upsetting to you so self care coping skills are also essential.

Ready? Let the protectors give you the "go ahead". You go into the movie screening room and sit back and watch as one of you takes up residence in the halfway house. Will give you an example. The movie starts and I can hear water running. A protector checks on the occupant and sees she is taking a shower which looks innocent enough. She confesses to wanting to cut so protector makes sure no razors are in shower area or in bathroom/bedroom at all. Alter becomes frustrated, angry, enraged and begins to scream and pound fists on glass shower wall. Protectors coaching her through anger but want her out of the glass enclosure to continue (safe anger). Sudden loud crashing of glass as alter throws herself through the glass landing on the floor cut and bleeding.

Immediate 911 call and protectors tending to her. She is fine at (internal) hospital. You and your system now know what was supposed to have happened--cut self any way possible with major damage. Now alter's messages can be healed. The lies about her having to die can be addressed.

Sometimes I've watched the alter sneak out of the house and take off in a car to go somewhere isolated. Magic works for the halfway house. For instance, if alter goes to jump off building, you can have Superman get to her. Or instantly there is fire department below who can catch her. Whatever you see happening, she will rescued and live. That's the rule.

A few internal techniques. Protectors knew how to anticipate escapist behaviors. GPS on car to track whereabouts. Cell phone with GPS if she finds GPS on car. There's always a one upmanship in strategy.

Feel free to ask questions. Have never attempted to put this into writing before. It should work for all as long as you have the strength and coping skills noted in the beginning. If not, and you are in therapy, maybe your therapist can help you through a similar scenario during a session. Wishing all of you a safe December.

Child promiscuity...or a cry for help?

Children are not born promiscuous. They learn from someone. A young child asking if she can touch grandpa's penis would be a clue--not necessarily that grandpa was a perp, but children often "tell" by acting out. This becomes extremely complex if the child has begun to dissociate or, worse, is already dissociated into defined parts cloaked in amnesia.

There is a crossover of emotions, triggers, and behaviors from the unconscious to which the child has no conscious knowledge. A child, when asked about where a behavior was learned, may truly not know--have no conscious connection. Aside from repeated threats (covert and overt) to maintain silence regarding abuse, a child may innocently repeat a behavior that crosses over. Sometimes, these may be our only clues.

When a child is a preteen or teenager, their unspoken actions can be easily misinterpreted. This is basically what happens for a developing child of long-term abuse. Although not all child abusers are male, the majority are. When the main perp or perps in a child's life are male, and the child is dissociative, the child becomes conditioned to "switching" to an identity who handles the abuse. The male is in close proximity to the child, the child knows he expects her to respond sexually or she expects to be hurt sexually. Compliance becomes the only alternative. The normal fight or flight response is squelched in alters with the job of enduring repeated assaults.

One of my first clients with DID was a 12 year old girl whose father had been convicted of molesting her admittedly for "several years." This lovely girl was so sweet, wanting only to please. Before her first appointment her mother was frantic because she had sex with a boy. My client had conscious memory up to the point where the boy had touched her and said something of a sexual nature. No pressure was needed. She simply blanked out. She recalls "waking up" after it was over feeling ashamed and confused. The adult response is typically to pile more shame on the child.

A teen may consciously act out as well. "Acting out" can be a dissociative child's way of saying "Look what someone did to me." The child does not realize that is what she is "saying" with her actions. The result is she receives attention from the boys which serves as filling her need for lack of "love" at home (or believes she is receiving "love"). She is drawn to it. Any further shame placed on her by parental response, teacher response, community response, further reinforces the perpetrator's messages that she is a good girl for engaging in sexual activities and simultaneously a "bad girl" for participating in sexual activities (a no win situation for the victim).

The 12 year old was in therapy less than two years and was able to heal from the majority of her dissociation. She will very likely require further therapy to have any healthy relationship later in her life. An excellent source to learn more on this topic is the book, The Dissociative Child.