For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Mar 22, 2010

National Geographic Validates Abuse

Yesterday I watched CIA Secrets on National Geographic. It confirmed all the LSD and mind control experiments to include students at 80 universities who received funds under MK Ultra. Information was from declassified documents and interviews.

The show ends with CIA giving up on ever creating someone who would forget a murder (the key element being "forget") after following orders to shoot. They ruled out hypnosis, LSD, and overloads of ECT as effective for adult subjects and gave up that program.

The untold story is that they began raising dissociated children in the late 40s and early 50s which guaranteed the necessary component of forgetfulness after committing a crime. Having orders obeyed was not an issue after harming a child sufficiently to cause dissociation. Even though we survivors are remembering now, it's so far from the time of abuse and our stories deemed unbelievable by propaganda and a shadow government.

The special explained they believe Sirhan Sirhan, who assassinated Robert Kennedy in 1968 was the first known Manchurian Candidate. To this day, he does not know what he did.

Additionally, mind control experimentation in the concentration camps was explored. Prisoners were exposed to levels of ECT and drugs that would have helped determine what could be done to a child in a dissociative state without interfering with the host alter's perception of life.

The validation was nice but I just want to scream about that big gap regarding dissociated children.

Mar 8, 2010

Who's Driving the Car?

Several years ago when BB (my SO) used to live in another town, there was a bridge I had to cross (just an short overpass). I became aware slowly that I seemed to blank out between the turn just before the bridge until up to a mile later. Fastforward.

My physical therapist is the first left after a blue overpass. I drive under it. I keep missing the turn under the bridge. So I became diligent about keeping the blue bridge in my sights so I would not miss the turn but I would focus on the blue bridge and the next thing I know I'm beyond my turn.

I don't know if it's all bridges or these bridges are near "secret" areas. One was near a known place of abuse for another survivor. The blue bridge is connected to a military base.

I'm sharing in hopes it helps me break that dissociation and also maybe help some to become more aware of triggers on the road.

It's scary to me for those unhealed. I know I have a safe driver for when I blank out. I think how easy it was in the past for another driver to take over and leave me not remembering anything except going to my planned destination.

Ask inside if there can be a designated safe driver who can keep others out of the driver's seat. Please be safe.