For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Aug 31, 2010

Writer's Block

Decided to collage about my writing block and it looks like it is in a good place and will return...someday.

Aug 14, 2010


I am watching a movie called The Killing Room. The description is an MK-Ultra project shelved for 20 years and then being conducted by a "diabolical" psychiatrist. Toward the end of the movie, the word "apoptosis" is used. I immediately looked it up. Here is the definition:
The genetically programmed death of cells at specific times during embryogenesis, metamorphosis, and during cell turnover in adults.

As I read the definition, I could easily substitute the word "alter" in place of "cell". I've said many times that I had suicide programming at every level of healing. I had no idea the objective was for the self to mimic a natural cell process of elimination.

The movie explains they are looking for civilians guaranteed to take the lives of others and sacrifice their own lives "for the greater good"...civilian weapons.

At the end of the movie, it was not about the subjects themselves who were destined to perish at the end of the "voluntary experiment", but to test the new doctor hired by MK-Ultra to make sure she could ignore her conscience and allow the harm, torture, and killing to proceed without her intervention.

I watch these movies now in hopes of finding answers to my own life. Mostly they just justify the notion of lack of empathy, remorse, and conscience in the name of "freedom".