For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Aug 14, 2010


I am watching a movie called The Killing Room. The description is an MK-Ultra project shelved for 20 years and then being conducted by a "diabolical" psychiatrist. Toward the end of the movie, the word "apoptosis" is used. I immediately looked it up. Here is the definition:
The genetically programmed death of cells at specific times during embryogenesis, metamorphosis, and during cell turnover in adults.

As I read the definition, I could easily substitute the word "alter" in place of "cell". I've said many times that I had suicide programming at every level of healing. I had no idea the objective was for the self to mimic a natural cell process of elimination.

The movie explains they are looking for civilians guaranteed to take the lives of others and sacrifice their own lives "for the greater good"...civilian weapons.

At the end of the movie, it was not about the subjects themselves who were destined to perish at the end of the "voluntary experiment", but to test the new doctor hired by MK-Ultra to make sure she could ignore her conscience and allow the harm, torture, and killing to proceed without her intervention.

I watch these movies now in hopes of finding answers to my own life. Mostly they just justify the notion of lack of empathy, remorse, and conscience in the name of "freedom".


Anonymous said...

I watch them as well, also things like Crimminal Minds in hopes of understanding our past, present and hope for a programmed free future. Many times there is just enough truth or a trigger that sends us looking in a better place for answers inside. It is truly amazing how much was done in the name of freedom and "for the country." What is still happening in reguards to torture in the name of "Homeland Security" which people seem to just accept as okay or necessary. Thank you for these posts, sometimes I think we the only ones looking. Ravin

Printsofus said...

As I was reading this it really struck a chord with something internally. I can not place my finger on exactly what at the moment. I lust know that it hit on something towards the core of things. Know that I am thinking about you.


Anonymous said...

the study dr. reilly has on detecting lying (that she thinks is the reason for the interview) is real. but that the study is new in the movie makes me think the movie should be set 20 years ago.

Grace2244 said...

In response to Anonymous, the movie introduction indicates it is a 20 yr old program that was shelved and recently actived. In the movie they use the Iraqi War is the reason for revival of the program.

Anonymous said...

grace2244, i noticed what you mentioned.

everything reilly says is consistent with the study (until she realizes that is not why she's there). that study and the other one referenced as much too old to be "new", so that just makes me wonder about the reality of what we're told in some parts and this is a reenactment of events years ago. but, i think this may just be my thing. haha

i liked your article about the movie, btw.

Anonymous said...

This is a really great site-- just found it! In response to the blog on Aug.14, 2010 by "Grace", regarding the movie, THE KILLING ROOM, just to clarify, the reason for the experiments of Apoptosis here, were not to find one who would be willing to kill others. But, to find a "citizen weapon" who would be willing to give his own life to save our country--i.e. similar to Al Quaida's suicide bombers (that's why the girl in movie refers to Apoptosis--which, put simply, is a natural process created by God inside our bodies where some cells die voluntarily to allow the rest of the body to survive.) Yes, the reason the MK Ultra Apoptosis-like experiments were "maybe" bro't back was supposedly because of the 9/11 scare. The Doctor in movie, said these experiments were excusable because America is facing all kinds of terroristic suicidal bombers from many enemies of other countries. To me, that is NO excuse! There are NO EXCUSABLE reasons why our government did and possible still are literally killing our citizens just to find a few "citizen weapons" they might can use! Especially without allowing the subjects know the real extent of the experiments or any idea what kind of experiments they were getting into! I have a psych degree, but NO experiment or even, freedom protecting governments should be allowed to kill our citizens!!! They are the real enemy! IT's an OUTRAGE!!! How does anyone know now if they go into their college to help out the majors and professors with a simple experiment or lab, that they won't end up like this? This shows we can't trust everyone! That's why we, everyone, need and can only hope in Jesus Christ!!! See Isaiah 41:10-11