For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Jan 19, 2015

Serial Suicide Programming

Once released from Sheppard Pratt in June, my own suicidal/self-harm attempts continued into August. I was hospitalized after a very calculated (to be lethal) overdose ending up in a hospital that didn't treat DID. The waiting list for Sheppard Pratt at that time was about six weeks.  Regardless, my assigned therapist at Philhaven, Mount Gretna, PA, was knowledgeable and I was able to get to some very deeply ingrained subconscious messages that explained my repeated attempt to die. The message(s) was: Living is not safe; happy is not safe; safe is not safe. The more I healed or found reasons to be happy, the more it triggered the harm parts of me to "keep me safe" which was death.

Much healing happened after getting to those alarming messages. I'm glad I survived to learn what happened. The father's death triggered those messages much more strongly on the third anniversary of his death than right after his death. It's maddening and enlightening at the same time. I think what's most hideous to process is how strongly the father wanted me dead when he died if I had survived all the other suicide programming by that time.

Anyone reading this, please make others aware before a parent dies with whom there were issues. Even if therapy helped to process the issues (as I had done), it can still impact on a level we can't even fathom. Stay safe out the true meaning of safe.

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