For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Apr 1, 2010

Alice Programming

This may be triggering to unhealed survivors. I'm hopeful it might be helpful to therapists treating clients with programming. This is what I found in me. It's not necessarily what everyone with Alice Programming will experience. Likely there will be some similar components though.

Consciousness is Wonderland which has a rainbow and poppies (the Oz in Wizard of Oz). This is part of the backwards world created around victims.

Subconsciousness is Oz which has dandelions. To cross "the bridge" from consciousness to subconsciousness, Alice has to go down the rabbit hole which is represented as a hypnotic spiral by many survivors.

The ferris wheels represent spinning to forget.  I've also used carousels. When Oz is activated, consciousness is "asleep". Oz is controlled by handlers/abusers. Wonderland is a very guarded world since alters filter what the host sees, hears, and speaks.

Both Wonderland and Oz have an Alice. There might be a Dorothy but, for me, Dorothy went with a huge spin program like the tornado.

Tinkerbelle can go anywhere in the system.  Alice "reports" to Tinkerbelle. Tinkerbelle makes sure Alice does what she is told.

Alice had been fragmented into four selves who had to merge for Alice to heal. Tinkerbell was also fragmented into two or more selves. She also merged into one and then merged into Alice.

The big surprise, for me, is Mickey Mouse represented my system's master controller. Huge perp...usually very scary entity. I am guessing my protector used his ingenuity to have me process Mickey Mouse instead of an internal s*tan. Genius. I'm so grateful.  So Tinkerbelle reported to Mickey Mouse. I just became aware of Mickey Mouse's role two days ago.

I believe this was the very first structure within me, the base of my system matrix. Until the matrix collapsed, Alice and Tinkerbelle could not have healed. Alice began so early in my life and I'm still impacted by her cues to dissociate now that she's healed. However, at least I am now more aware of my environment than ever before.

Once Alice was completely healed, it opened the door for my original authentic self to emerge. Alice goes with so many keys but she, herself, is a key to healing.

This part of healing (Alice) began December 2009 and I am now working with my healed core self (who is an adult). I functioned at a very high level for several years after dismantling the matrix. I thought I was all healed. Am not sure where I am is the last that needs to happen for full healing, but am sure it's a great sign the core has emerged.

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