For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Oct 6, 2010

From Collage to Clarity

In many of my early handmade collages, I had images of people on bicycles with walkie talkies. Sometimes people on bicycles surrounded the alter in the collage. I never "got" it.

Possibly earlier in this blog, when I was still a full-time therapist, I posted about my bicycle experience. One of my RA/MC clients came with her own perps surrounding my office minutes before her appointment time. She would tell me about being followed and the man on the bicycle. Initially I believed it was paranoia which is justified for those with DID going to a therapist where they might tell the truth or discover their truth along with abuser identities.

One day I decided to meet her on the walk outside the office a few minutes before appointment time. The bicycle nearly ran me down and I came to know the vehicles that followed her. They were also there when she left and followed her route. I took pictures. Her bicycle man also became my bicycle stalker. Armed with cell phone (updated technology from when I was younger), this biker would manage to fly out of side streets just as I was rounding a corner on my way to work.

There were times when he flew across the road in front of me when I just went out for lunch or a spontaneous errand. They always knew where I was so it had to be a joint effort. When I tried to report harrassment by a man on a bicycle I became extremely aware of the police reaction. Just cycling by at "coincidental" times was not a crime. I was told macing the guy as he whizzed by was not allowed.

Fastforward several years when I am no longer a therapist and rarely go anywhere except to doctor appointments. It's been awhile but I was followed yesterday from near my home to the therapist's office (at least a 1/2 hour drive) by someone in a truck. But it began from the roads near my townhome with a bicycle person talking on his cell who did target my car.

I pretended to ignore all but it is nerve wracking. I've been more vocal online. It's a message they still monitor my activities. In spite of having made the decision to live my life in spite of them, it's a lot of emotional play to keep it together.

The reason for this sharing is that, throughout my pre-therapist life, I was never aware of being followed. Guess most of my surroundings were always foggy. But my alters saw and made it very clear in the collages. The abusers did it before cell phone technology and they are still doing it now. Because who is going to believe, in this day and age, a stalker would use a bicycle? It's because it's unbelievable and everything "they" do is intentionally unbelievable. They live in that invisible world.

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