For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Sep 18, 2008

The devil IS the disguise

Regardless of which letters have tended to identify a survivor, their memories often overlap each other. In other words, many who have remembered the trauma of ritualistic ceremonies have also recalled the same people being in a party or "auction" or kiddie porn setting. Kinda puts a different twist on the charade, doesn't it? Survivors of what might be described as abuse in a military/government and hospital environment, also include the masks and devils, as well as the kiddie porn and other reprehensible activities.

It may take years to have the complete memory to understand the layers but eventually answers come, to include the charade. Survivors have the capacity to "see" when they were tricked. A term used among survivors is "screen memory". The "screen" is when the organized pedophiles intentionally provided the initial "extreme horrific trauma" scenario in hopes it would cover what they are really doing. Perhaps it was a kiddie porn shoot but hidden beneath a layer of something heinous--the layer that would likely first surface and the survivor would be dismissed as preposterous.

Another type of layering is when an alter believes someone was killed in a despicable manner while another self state may see the charade. Usually a little is called out to witness the horror, real or made-to-appear-real because the little's terror and belief will help disguise whatever the next level is. Here is a series of a survivor's collages showing the same memory stripped down to the charade. We don't have to know what everything means. The common element appears to be someone's heart was isolated from the body.

This would be the horror as seen through images recalled by a child self.

The next layer strips away the scary ceremony and seems more clinical although the placement of the man as upside down indicates something awry.

What's important on the next collage is the image in the upper right. It may be difficult to see in this format, although you can click on it to make it larger. The hand fallen down to the right is hiding what appears to be an IV showing he is not dead. No hearts were harmed in the making of this memory? The survivor's memory is clear that she is being shown the death was "smoke and mirrors".

What does this mean? It means it all goes together. At the highest level of sophisticated pedophile, the elements of all the other lettered survivors are included. The pedophiles are the masked "satanic cult" are the doctors are the soldiers and officers of military bases and whatever else is remembered as frozen in trauma by the victims. No one could make this stuff up--and be consistent with what survivors around the world recall.

Because of the nature of dissociated memories, it is impossible to know exactly what happened because it comes up like a puzzle and each puzzle piece may go with the same puzzle or may go with completely different puzzles. This is what I view as a safety mechanism for healing. If an entire horrific memory were remembered all at once, it might be "too much". Whatever is missing is never something a non-perverted human could ever figure out logically. So that first memory of someone being killed is definitely horrid to remember and to process. It's also possible that down the road, trickery may be revealed.

This is not false memories. This is remembering all the tricks used to deceive the victims. Survivors who remember the entirety of the charade are hoping the perps never anticipated our minds could do that. It might be several decades since the abuse occurred, but it is exactly what is still going on today.


Anonymous said...

Bit of a random comment here - But before i brokedown i used to doodle all the time. It was always of 3D boxes all 1 on top of another and linked together.

Not sure if anyone could relate to this!

Anonymous said...

Hi grace, simon again

I have a question i really want to ask you!

When you recovered did you see examples of the power of the sub-concious ??

Grace said...

As for the doodles, one day you may get the meaning to them. I don't have answers to everything. I got tired of hearing it from my t but it was always true. Your own answers will come from inside.

Simon, not sure I know what you mean by the power of the subconscious. I am in awe of how our minds protected us and I'm in awe of my healing even if it was awful. I was so grateful to be lead (from inside) to do the right things along with my therapist. If you have something more specific about "power of the subconscious", let me know, ok?

Anonymous said...

Yes sorry, wasnt explained well.


When i know how to put what im trying to ask properly ill write again! lol.

Anonymous said...

i can relate to the square doodles one on top of the other, connecting, i used to do that a lot, on my legs with my fingers, at a pretty fast pace most of the time but not always. An enduring memory is doing it while on the school bus.

Grace, i have a question. Can someone develop, be, or have DID even though there was no sexual abuse? I was severely emotionally abused all of my childhood, teenage years and also as an adult for looking different. I felt i had to disassociate so i wouldn't fall apart in front of everyone, but sometimes the hurt was so deep that i would hide my face an cry when i couldn't take it.

I do not think i am/have DID, but i am not sure. There's huge lagoons of memory to my childhood and school years but one thing i am almost 100% sure of is that i was not sexually abused by my parents. In other ways yes, but not sexually.

I am not here looking for answers/diagnosis just an opinion. There seems to be mostly a wealth of info on people who have been sexually and physically abused but emotional abuse gets lumped with everything else.

Enduring emotional abuse by humiliation and neglect. I have to just go and hit enter because if i were to re read everything i wrote to edit i will most surely hit delete. I am apologizing in advance for any typos or if some things do not make sense.

Thank you in advance.

Grace said...

Yes, DID can be the cause of repeated sexual, physical, and/OR emotional abuse...but during early childhood. It usually sets in by age 6 but a few exceptions have been documented at age 9. No one develops DID as an adult although adults can experience dissociative amnesia for events such as rape or accident or witnessing trauma.

It is also possible for a child to develop DID due to medical procedures. Children who must go through numerous surgeries as infants and into childhood may become too overwhelmed with the hospital/medical environment. I personally have not known a survivor of medical trauma but they do exist.

Good question.