Offending the senses

The following information is a culmination of my own recollection of abuse, my personal research, knowledge shared by other survivors both in person and online through support networks, and my experience as a therapist with recovering clients and colleagues who treat dissociation. To cause an infant or child to dissociate, various techniques are used. I’m only going to offer a brief view of two of the most commonly recalled techniques by victims at all levels of pedophilia: bombarding the senses or depriving the senses with a “special” twist.

Overwhelming the senses is when the child is subjected for long periods of time to:

Listen to loud music, bells, or other ear piercing sounds
Eat extremely foul tasting substances
Non-stop talking (usually taped or broadcasted messages of loyalty under threat or subliminal instructions for “x”)
View extremely graphic video/movie
Have glaring light shine into eyes (eyes held open with tape or other means)
Several people constantly touching exposed areas of skin
Sexual abuse in conjunction with any of the above
Placement in very cold environment (tub, large freezer) or very warm/hot environment
Repeated submersion in water
Usually each sense is overwhelmed by at least one method.

All senses overstimulated simultaneously causes a child’s coping mechanisms to be too overwhelmed to “stay” in the body. This is where many survivors will describe viewing the memory from “floating on the ceiling” or standing next to what was happening. You might recall the scene in Conspiracy Theory where Mel Gibson is subjected to bright lights while repeatedly immersed in water. That's a bit of insight for what happens to children.

Remember when Michael Jackson had a sensory deprivation tank for calm and relaxation? Okay I’m giving an age clue. Absence of sound or light can be very soothing when desired. When forced upon a child, however, there can be emotionally damaging consequences.

The following are common elements of abuse that fall into the category of sensory deprivation (see, speak, hear no evil combined with no taste and no smell):

It’s not just the elimination of the senses that causes the trauma for intentionally perpetrated sensory deprivation. It’s the one element that introduces terror while the child has no ability to defend or even scream. This would be memories of being “buried alive”, closed in a box, or otherwise shut off from light, ability to speak, ability to move arms or legs. The terror element is intentionally inflicted. The unbelievability factor definitely applies here. It's something most normal people cannot possibly imagine and so it is difficult to hear and easier to dismiss than believe pedophiles are capable of such harm to a child.

These are examples that have surfaced worldwide for survivors: pick an insect—any insect—crawling around on the child, snakes placed in the container or room. I’m afraid that’s all I will divulge here. It gets worse. Think CSI, Bones, Dexter.

Can a child be made to believe certain things are on her when eyesight cannot confirm? Of course. The Halloween “fun house” where you place your hand blindly into wet spaghetti is an example. I can safely state that most survivors cannot even fathom allowing themselves to enter any “fun house” on purpose. We like to know exactly what is what. No tricks. A young child is very impressionable. It doesn’t matter if the terror element is “real”. The child believes it is real. They are told it is real. The validation for survivors is when seeing ants or snakes or spiders or (fill in the blank) causes an over-the-top startle response. When a child has no ability to physically escape or defend, the only alternative is to “leave the body”—otherwise known as dissociation.

Sensory deprivation can be used effectively by a single perp with a single child to induce the desired dissociative response. It has been used for centuries passed down through the generations by incestuous families and is a proven method for organized pedophile rings.

The unasked questions & statistics

I wonder how many children under 4 died because their minds were incapable of adapting to dissociation for survival? And why are the children who adapt with dissociation later punished by society for having survived?


Child Abuse Statistics in the USA

• Children ages 0-3 are the most likely to experience abuse. About 1 in 50 U.S. infants are victims of nonfatal child abuse or neglect in a year, according to the first national study of the problem in that age group done by the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention along with The Federal Administration for Children and Families._¹
  
• 1,500 children die every year from child abuse and neglect. That is just over 4 fatalities every day.
• 79% of the children killed are younger than 4.

Prevalence of DID & limited resources to heal

Most texts cite the probability of DID as 1 in 100. In grad school I was taught, "It is highly unlikely you will ever see a case of DID; and if you do, you'll want to transfer the client to another therapist who has special training." Let's look at the facts.

Childabuse.com
Sexual abuse most commonly occurs by an individual known by the victim, parent or other family member (intrafamilial). Rarely is the abuser a stranger. Children who become brave enough to overcome the threats and coercion to remain silent may decide to recant accusations of abuse due to fear of retaliation by the perpetrator or other family members. They may also recant out of fear of losing contact with the perpetrator who is commonly a family member or close friend tied to the family by various social means. (The double bind of "I love you"/"I hate you.")

Incest victims are mostly unreported so are not included in the statistic for reported abuse. Of reported cases:

33% of sexual abuse victims are under age 6
33% are 6-12 years old
33% are 12-18 years old.

RAINN Organization* (Excellent website/resource)
In 1995, local child protection service agencies identified 126,000 children who were victims of either substantiated or indicated sexual abuse.

• Of these, 75% were girls.
• Nearly 30% of child victims were between the age of 4 and 7.

Survivors' Healing Center
Data from 2002 National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System (NCANDS) indicates that approximately 4.6 million children were reported to child protective service agencies as purported victims of child maltreatment. Of that number over 88,000 children were documented as sexually abused.

At the community level, epidemiology studies of adults have found that 15 to 33% of females and 13 to 16% of males were sexually abused in childhood.

Different studies use different methodology for their statistics. The statistic found to be most on target in the community of therapists who treat survivors of sexual abuse, is 1 in 4 women are victims of sexual assault. Even for adults, rape is more often someone known to the victim.

The entirety of incest victims will always be unknown because of the secrecy factor. A statistic cited in this blog's second post is:
Some estimates show 20 million Americans have been victimized by parent incest as children. (Jeffrey Turner, 1996). As cited at the website for The National Center for Victims of Crime.

radKIDS.org
...it is estimated there is one pedophile for every square mile in our country, everywhere from big cities to small rural communities.

Given the enormity of the prevalence of incest survivors and abuse statistics for those under age 12, it is more probable that DID exists in closer to 1 out of every 10-20 incest survivors. In populations such as those seeking counseling through YWCAs and other survivor centers, the statistics are prone to be higher for a therapist to have someone present with DID.

While many therapists claim they have never seen a case of DID, it is more likely the therapist is not trained to identify symptoms and therefore "does not see". In addition, because of lack of training, even if someone did see signs of dissociation, the treating individual might be inclined to treat the person as if dissociation were not present. For those therapists who recommend the patient see someone who does treat dissociation, there are insufficient numbers of therapists in many areas of the country to treat the number of survivors.

Kudos to schools open to education to identify dissociation in children, which is relatively easy to spot in the classroom. Again, however, the societal problem is lack of qualified therapists to treat the child. Part of this unwillingness of therapists to be trained to assess and treat dissociation are the efforts of the media and groups such as the FMSF who have targeted experts in the field for lawsuits and shattered their lives and careers.

On the positive side, excellent training is available through organizations such as ISSTD. Sometimes therapists who first encounter DID are willing to learn as they go. A therapist willing to learn on behalf of the client is how many enter the field of dissociation.

For survivors unsure about whether they might be dissociative, Marlene Steinberg's book, Stranger in the Mirror, has an excellent section of self evaluations. It's a good safe start, although admittedly disarming if you score in the range of likely dissociation. Remember that symptoms may not mean dissociation or DID for you. Symptoms may go with another issue. Don't make any immediate assumptions about yourself until you are able to speak with a qualified therapist.

The Double Bind

A double bind, according to American Heritage Dictionary, is a situation in which a person must choose between equally unsatisfactory alternatives; a punishing and inescapable dilemma. A simplified definition is having two choices, each of which result in abuse or punishment to the victim. The first double bind of victims is living with the abuser or having no say in whether she is exposed to the abuser (a parent not believing or hearing a child tell that a caretaker is molesting her).

An earlier post speaks of the first split of "I hate you"/"I love you". A deep fear exists that the child will be abandoned by the abusive parent because of inability to meet her own survival needs of food, shelter, warmth. Security needs (safety) are rarely known during the lifetime of a trauma survivor. Until the adult works through the fear and is truly safe at the time of healing, chances are they will have never known complete safety. Remember that dissociation is locked by kindergarten age. Those children don't have a chance with powerful adults.

In inflicting trauma on a child who is groomed to be part of a child sex ring, one choice, for example, might be for the child to be naked and touch a little boy the way she is told (for kiddie porn) or have someone (or an animal) hurt her. Each double bind damages the psyche. The level of depression and hopelessness experienced by survivors runs very deep. Feeling so unempowered (even only as crossover emotions) can cause a victim to begin having suicidal thoughts as a child. They see it as their only way out.

The three danger responses of the body are fight, flight, or freeze. The child learns early there is no use trying to fight. Physical fleeing also results in harsh punishment. If they stay still (freeze), they are captive. This is where dissociation is the only safe way out. The child disengages mind from body to endure the ongoing victimization.

High school project earns "A" on DID

This video was a high school project nicely done by teenager. She earned an "A".





A wonderful video reflecting hope and healing from DID.

To the outside world...

To the outside world, someone who has DID and is not in any stage of healing, may only appear as possibly having mood swings. No one in my life, including a therapist I saw on and off for many years for relationship issues, knew I had DID. My life until the fourth decade was only my conscious memories...a sporadic history of being in school and workplaces and a spattering of childhood memories with no abuse worse than unwarranted physical abuse by my scary father. I was the little girl with gold stars in kindergarten, an honor student in high school and college. I was the good girl, the good employee. Always did as told.

Someone who has never noticeably switched (changed from one self state to another) may begin to do so in the work environment or to family causing fear among loved ones and co-workers. It is disarming to say the least. Especially when another self state is a young child. I would venture to say that most multiples surround themselves with stuffed animals or dolls or coloring books without realizing they are filling the needs of the desire for such toys from within. Often the dissociated self state will have it's own age, personality, and name. Understand this is simply one aspect of the same person which became isolated in trauma.

Admittedly, it is very difficult to be a support person in the life of someone who has DID. Yet it is the one element they most need. Although it looks crazy, it is not. It is a complex survival skill adapted during childhood trauma that made perfect sense at the time. Coming undone at an adult age brings challenges for the survivor, the medical, and mental health community.

The photo of the Nautilus shell is a perfect image of multiplicity to me. It is a beautiful shell (an amazing entity) with many hidden chambers inside supporting the whole.

Can you imagine...

You are at work in a meeting giving a presentation to your company. Let your mind absorb how you speak, your mannerisms, your responses to others, what it feels like to be in that situation.

Suddenly a secretary rushes in saying your child or other loved one has just been in a serious accident and the hospital is on the phone. How do you respond? Can you feel your pace change? Your voice? Your emotions? Allow yourself to feel that transition from in-control worker to frantic parent, sibling, or friend.

You are in the hospital with your loved one and she is okay but badly hurt. You are speaking to her at her bedside. Feel that transition...in your voice, in your pace, in your emotions.

Internal parts all represent an aspect of yourself, which is why I like the term self states. For someone with DID, all of the above happens, except there is no memory from worker, to frightened adult, to caring mother.

Maybe as you were running out of the conference room at work your boss said "Take as much time as you need. But at least take the rest of the week off." That would have been heard by frantic you rather than work you. You might call later that day or the next morning asking for time off. Your boss will write that off as you were too emotional to hear at the time.

The next time you visit the hospital, worker you is "in charge" because you just spoke to a co-worker on the phone. A hospital employee that you know by name in the "mom state" greets you by your name but you have no knowledge of that person's identity.

People with DID have constant inconsistencies but pretend. They have an internal sense of "somehow I just got here and have to figure out what's going on". That's been their life experience--missing gaps. "Oh right! How could I have forgotten? My mind was focused on something else. Sorry."

Most can't imagine what it's like constantly having memory gaps but for some with DID, it's invisible. The time gaps are dissociated too. Gee, that last four hours sure went by fast. The person may have begun reading a book and ended four hours later reading the book, but another part could have cooked dinner, done the laundry, and vacuumed. That person will not recall having done the chores but will figure she must have done it yesterday and forgot...or something along those lines. And the lack of movement forward in reading will be "I must have fallen asleep."

Life is an unknown puzzle. Each self state is unknown to the others.

Lets talk parts

Any woman might have the roles of mother, daughter, sister, manager or employee, soccer mom, and wife. A man might be policeman, baseball coach, father, son, brother, husband. Don't each of us adapt our personalities in some way depending on who we are at the moment? A man is going to act very differently at work than he is with friends in a bar. And different when he goes home to his wife. These are generally subtle shifts with some crossover for each role we have in life. And of course we remember ourselves in each role. Most of us also can relate to releasing our inner child when we are having fun. In this respect, all of us have parts. We are multiples without amnesia.

When there is a dissociative split to compartmentalize the trauma of a child being hurt by someone who loves them--and the abuse continues--so does the dissociative split. For children with DID (remember this is decided usually by age 6), the personality develops as fragmented. Many roles in the child's life become compartmentalized by amnesia, meaning the child (and later the adult) does not know of this splitting, nor the teenager, nor the adult. Some children may begin to heal when an abuser moves out of the home or is arrested. Safety is a factor for healing.

People with DID spend three to four decades of their lives (on average) before realizing they are dissociative. I can attest to this statistic since most of my clients with DID were between 35 and 45 with some younger and a few older. The survivor art shown at left is what it feels like when someone becomes aware she has DID. For me personally, as a therapist, and in witnessing survivor art and hearing other survivors' stories, this depiction "hits home". Anything leaking through the amnesia is terrifying to feel. It's not uncommon for the person to feel crazy. It doesn't help that society reinforces that message!

Two Worlds - One Face

One split might be dissociative or repressed. The definition of DID is reserved for two or more distinct identities. A child (especially an older child who no longer has access to the gift of dissociation) may repress memories of abuse. While there are varying definitions, I honor the definition that repression is the mind "storing" memories subconsciously as opposed to having an element of amnesia. It is not unknown memory, it is forgotten memory (stored in the subconscious). In my experience, when a repressed memory is uncovered, the client spontaneously remembers the event. Both repression and dissociation involve memories being drawn into the subconscious realm. And both usually result in strong feelings crossing over into consciousness to which the child has no connection.

For both repressed and dissociated childhood memories, that initial split may appear something like this: The child is aware only of the conscious world in which she is not being hurt. She exists in a state of oblivion to the abuse. The switch to "hurt self" is triggered possibly by an incestuous father's knock at the door at night or hearing footsteps near the bed. The trigger would be anything that has come to mean she is about to be hurt. Wherever abuse occurs, triggers will become connected in a child's heightened awareness. These triggers are their saving grace.

During the molestation (or beating or verbal assault), the child must do as told--submits to the caregiver's will. The survivor art shown in the previous post is a collage conceptualizing having one's will bend to another's demands. Once the child is not being harmed, she becomes everyday girl and has no memory of abuse that may have happened only seconds previously. However, she likely will have crossover fear at bedtime, if the abuse occurs at night, which might manifest as fear of the dark, not liking her bed, wanting the safe parent to sleep with her, etc.

I think we have all heard stories of daycare centers where a caregiver was molesting the children. Observant parents reported their child becoming extremely agitated or upset at being taken to the daycare. Even preverbal children have the aversion response to being left with someone who is hurting them. The child's aversion response has thankfully led to some alert parents pulling their children from such centers.

For all children, this division is survival. It might be referred to as a betrayal bond or double bind. A child does not know how to love and hate a parent at the same time.

The ultimate childhood survival mechanism

Dissociation is not a child's choice. The creation of an amnestic self is a survival mechanism of the brain. It allows a child to function in everyday life while at the same time being traumatized repeatedly. Although the child has no memory of the abuse, she may carry over into her "normal" life a strong sense of guilt, shame, secrecy, and fear which will impact her, at the very least, into her adult life.

Dissociation is often discussed as being on a continuum. All of us experience dissociation to some degree. Highway hypnosis is the most common. We drive. We zone out. We snap to and don't remember the last 10 minutes or the last few exits. Going through the spectrum is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which all victims of long-term childhood abuse are likely to develop. The extreme of the spectrum is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). It used to be called multiple personality disorder. Please don't let that stop you from reading further. This is where much of society has been misled and tends to be frightened.

Typically, if a child is going to develop DID, it has been decided subconsciously by age 6 and rarely after age 9. This is cited in the leading authoritative texts on dissociation by the country's experts on dissociation. Some of the books are listed as therapist resources on this blog.

For clarification, DID does not require sexual abuse specifically. It can be the coping mechanism for overwhelming physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse. Given the inherent double bind of incest, children from incestuous families have a greater likelihood for abuse beginning at a very early age and continuing for a number of years. E. Sue Blume's "Secret Survivors" is an excellent book to learn the dynamics of incest to include victims who are dissociative.

Divided we stand

If you had been a child being molested at will by a parent or other primary caregiver, would you want to know it was happening or not? Children don't get to make that decision. Their mind does it for them.

In the previous post, the great double bind of having to live with a parent who "loves" you and whom you count on for survival and the reality that the parent is hurting you and terrifying you, is usually the first "split" for a child's sanity. The child compartmentalizes what is happening when being hurt from when she is not being hurt. (While both sexes of children are victims, the feminine will be used for references.)

This compartmentalization could be repressed, as in tucking it away for now and being able to retrieve it at a later time. There is no element of amnesia inherent in repressing a memory. It's buried. Another way a child copes with abuse (not by her conscious choice) is to compartmentalize with a wall of amnesia between hurt self and not hurt self. This is called dissociation.

The basics

I want to present this difficult topic in short concepts. What most of us already know may need to be adjusted to accommodate for modifying some assumptions or allowing for new thinking.

Father-daughter and stepfather-daughter incest is most commonly reported, with most of the remaining reports consisting of mother/stepmother-daughter/son incest. Prevalence of parental child sexual abuse is difficult to assess due to secrecy and privacy; some estimates show 20 million Americans have been victimized by parent incest as children. (Jeffrey Turner, 1996). As cited at the website for The National Center for Victims of Crime.

Educating young children about good touches and bad touches, how to stay away from strangers, how to get help from an adult, how to say "NO!" is definitely important. Unfortunately, in cases of incest, the child is not being hurt by strangers and must obey parents and other primary caregivers. Saying "No!" is usually not an option and often results in punishment to the child. A child of incest is not allowed to say no. Typically, any child being abused will be threatened with harm--or harm to a loving caregiver, sibling, or pet. Most have had their lives threatened to the point there is no doubt that grave harm will come to them and/or another loved one if they dare to tell. Children of incest are conditioned to feel unempowered, helpless, and damaged. (No one will love you if you tell.)

The most damning for children of incest is their reliance on the very person/persons who are abusing them for their survival. It sets the child up for total confusion about authority: "I love you", "I hate you". "If I don't love you, I will die." They are dependent on their parent or other primary care giver (who may be another family member) for food, shelter, warmth...all security needs...while at the same time being terrified, horrified, and repulsed by what is happening to them.

As if it weren't bad enough...

This blog is an important project for me--to share in hopes others will hear, contemplate, consider, research, reconsider. If anything you gain from this blog causes you to think differently, to make changes, to help educate others, and, most importantly, positively impact the lives of children trapped in a world of abuse and the unhealed adults of childhood sexual abuse, then I have accomplished my objective.

I will be sharing personal knowledge from my own healing as well as knowledge gained from my experience as a psychotherapist working with highly traumatized individuals. Mainly, I just want to speak from my heart and soul and reach out to others. I can't change this part of our society alone. It takes more than a village to help these children and adult survivors of insidious child abuse. I invite you to take this journey with me. It's a rough road that's been avoided for far too long.

Photo courtesy of Monica Palermo.