Handling your feelings (literally)

Unless a survivor has been in therapy for other issues prior to knowing of their own multiplicity, they are unable to identify feelings. And/or they are afraid of their feelings. A survivor may know sad, scared, alone, angry...likely to the extremes: rage, terror, isolation, depths of despair. Many who go to therapy are unfamiliar with identifying feelings. Regardless of reason, this was my most successful technique in helping my clients process feelings. It's an adapted version of a technique described in Beverly James's book, Treating Traumatized Children.

Tools needed are set of colored markers (washable ink so littles can join in) and index cards or any separate pieces of paper about the size of a notecard. My favorite was 8x5" pastel colored index cards, although nothing fancy is needed. When you identify yourself having a feeling, write only one feeling on a card for as many feelings as you have. This is especially good to do after being triggered to help process. Usually people have more than one feeling at a time. Writing one feeling down per card will help separate the feelings for you.

For instance, you wake up from a nightmare and need to do something to wind down. Depending on the content you might write: scared, trapped, dirty, mad. Later you might realize that "dirty" was really embarrassed, humiliated, intimidated all rolled together.

The cards help you to become more aware of when you have a new feeling. If you don't have a name to put with a feeling, you could write the circumstance, such as: was crying but didn't feel sad. At some point you may have a name to go with that description.

Whenever you process a new flashback or trigger, you can see what feelings cards you have that already go with the experience. I kept the feelings cards in a special box and put them away for each client after the session. You can do something similar. It's a metaphor or coping skill for putting your feelings away where they are safe until you need them again.

In the process of doing this, you will become more comfortable in literally handling your feelings and not be so afraid of the word on the card. You might want to bring the cards in to therapy and work with them. Any of these suggested techniques can be modified to best suit your comfort level. Colored pencils or crayons instead of markers...or even something more artistic. Choices choices choices. You have that power now.

Coping with flashbacks

People with DID need an arsenal of coping skills. Some techniques may work sometimes for some identities and other techniques may be needed for other circumstances. Therapists working with DID need to know an arsenal of coping skills to use and to teach. The technique I used that seemed to be most helpful to my clients (and most helpful to me when I was healing) is called several names and has several variations. One variation is in Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder by Sarah Krakauer. It involves creating a theater or screening room inside.

Decreasing the intensity
Flashbacks are never going to be easy, but there are ways to soften the intensity. The elements that reduce intensity are:

• Making images that are too close appear farther away
• Changing images from color to black & white
• Turning loud sounds down or off
• Fastforward to move quicky through a very distressing image

This technique gives you an element of control over flashbacks instead of them reeling you out of the universe while it happens. It removes you from the center of the flashback to watching it as if it were a movie. You are the witness...the audience. You are one step removed. That also helps reduce intensity.

Getting started
This is how it would work. First create a theater room (or whatever you want to call it) within your safe place. Place as many rows of seats in the theater as you need to sit back far enough to view it comfortably. You don't want the screen size to overwhelm you. View as many details as you want to make it a secure room for you to watch the flashbacks without others joining you who might be frightened by it. And you want to keep littles out if they are not part of the memory. That could be security guards at the doors or magical locks or security system. You want to set it up so it is there for your use the next time you have a flashback.

You will need one more tool: a handheld projector with all the controls you need. Adjust volume, color to black and white, zoom out and zoom in, fastforward, slow motion, and rewind. Some put other helpful buttons on the projector. Help yourself. Be sure there is also an OFF switch.

I've had clients practice in the theater. Envision a lovely scene. Use the projector to view the screen. Find an object in the scene to view close up and get more detail; slowly zoom out and view it further and further away; focus on a moving object and view it in slow motion and work up to fastforward. Try out all the controls on the lovely non-triggering image.

Using the technique
When a flashback begins, as soon as you can think clearly to move into the movie theater, do so. You might want notes around to remind you or a helper inside to remind you to go there. It's a good idea to have a reassuring protector with you. Any self-state connected to the memory who is ready to join you can do so. Littles should have a big to hold them and should have a comfort object. All are reminded that they are watching something bad from the past. You only have to watch it once then turn it off.

Use all the controls you need to change the perspective from overwhelming to more manageable. If it is too much, turn it OFF. It is good to be able to process what was seen. If you are able to do that internally with a meeting of those who watched it and a protector, great. You may decide to wait until you have a therapy session so you can have your therapist to help you process, if that is an option.

You don't need to understand what it was about. You may not get all the details. Answers will come as you need them. At the end of the flashback, do self care and comforting. You may want to write it down, draw it, collage it, anything to acknowledge the trauma of your insiders.

The theater may also be used by any identity remembering some aspect of your trauma to help them. Since it is not necessary for you to know everything, self-states can have a place to safely process without your knowledge. Again, this is just one technique. I hope it helps.