For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Jan 19, 2009

Alters who speak other languages

The thought just occurred to me that possibly what others used to call "speaking in tongues" was DID with an alter speaking an actual foreign language. Anyway, I spoke of needing a German and Russian dictionary to fully understand some of my collages and internal clues. I would hear a word repeatedly in my head. Sometimes it would sound like an English word. If not, I'd check both dictionaries. It's possible one of me knows French, but that has never been confirmed. The first three years of my life were in Germany and I have no doubt I had German and/or Operation Paperclip "trainers". The words that came up were single words or a short phrase only. Something a young child could understand.

I've relayed this next bit of my history before but is worth repeating here. I was determined to enter the military. In 1972, I was successful in being accepted into the Air Force despite my lack of 1/2" height. Career choices were not made until about the fourth week of basic training. My recollection is auto mechanic, file clerk, or Russian interpreter. I'd been a secretary and wanted more adventure than a mechanic, so I chose the latter. I had no conscious knowledge of Russian. The first day of class we were given a language test to see our level of comprehension, if any. I scored an 85. The next closest score was in the 60s. Everyone stared at me. I was clueless. At the end of the course, I was told that, at the time, I spoke with the best Moscovian accent the school director had heard before by an American. Always got good grades in school so didn't think much of it.

Fast forward to the late 90s when memories began and I discovered a system of Russian alters. I still don't know when I actually learned the language in my dissociated world. I'm fairly positive I was in Russia for "space camp" when I was 11 turning 12 (end of 1964).

I'm confirming that other multiples who recall "knowing" another language without ever taking conscious lessons is not a far stretch at all. In my memories, FWIW, the U.S. was cooperating with Russia in 1964 even though the rest of the world believed there was a Cold War. My reality of history is very different from the written version.

If you are a survivor and see words in collages in a foreign language, don't dismiss them, especially if you see the language turn up over a period of time. Communication Arts is a good source on that topic because they have annual photography and illustration issues with submissions worldwide. Next post (if I remember to check here) will be about what you use as images. The collage "Project Mayhem" which appears two posts before this one has the words "everything matters". That is very true for our healing process.


Anonymous said...

Hi Grace,
Thanks for another fascinating my case, when i was 18 yrs old, i was baptized in church and then afterward spoke in tongues which i had never learned. This was a totally supernatural experience, as i didn't even believe it was possible before it happened to me! It was truly a wonderful happening in my life.

However, forwarding two years from that time, when the perpetrator infiltrated the church and then our lives....he DID speak German in the hidden/dissociative world, but supposedly not in the daily one. His was no supernatural tongue, but somewhere in his life he had learned it in the secret world.

(In my extended family, i grew up speaking a German dialect daily, but the perp as "High Priest" spoke a different type of German.)

Oddly, the perp often talked about "Motherrr Rrrussia" while rolling his r's- this is from regular memories. My sister and i both also recovered memories of what we believed to be a small "Communist" plane zooming after us while we were running in a field. I also had a "dream" about Russian soldiers with boots and guns coming after me. One of them shot a gun at me and something came out (like a gas) which made me fall down unconscious. I now believe this dream was actually a memory, but don't understand the whole thing. I suspect these scenarios involved movies which were made. My husband also had these odd "Communist" soldier & plane "dreams" during the abuse years, but he still hasn't faced his memories so i don't know what those were all about.

My ex brother in law also had a fixation with the movie "Red October". Puzzle....why all the Russian/Communist stuff involved with our abuse years? I don't have the answers, but your writings may help unearth some clues to it all.

The abuser told me that the satanic groups were connected around the world like chains. The "rings" made "chains" and we weren't to be "missing links", because he said that a broken chain was no good for anything. This illustration was also likened to the Olympic ring symbols. Perhaps there were connections to Russia and Germany in various ways? Speculation...

A lot more on this subject, and i'm sorry for rambling. Thank you again and have a wonderful weekend,

Grace said...

Thank you for sharing once again. You are continued validation that the same techniques were used over and over again & have only been changed by development of technology. But that initial trauma is plain old scary baby trauma.

It is my personal belief in recovering as well as that of others that the Germans (verified through government documents) worked with our CIA through Operation Paperclip. I don't know the Russian equivalent, but this underworld was working with Russia on mind control techniques. This spills over into the conspiracy theory world of the world's elite taking over. Whatever the reason, I wasn't part of a Cold War. I was part of a cooperative effort in international programming.

Anonymous said...

Hi Grace,

I believe i was part experimented on as a child - part of the 'mind control experiment'. I remember being in planes, boats and doing military exercises.

I had EMDR in jan 2008, and havent stopped recovering flashbacks and memories since. Theres been days when i could hardly walk because my mind has took that much energy. I have commented on your brilliant blog before. Hope your healing is progressing well.

Anonymous said...

Hi Grace,

Just a question if you dont mind.

How do you live knowing your government did this to you? What keeps you going? I feel very bitter because of my experience. Theres no comeback for something like this. Are we supposed to live and forget??

Grace said...

Not sure if the two previous Anonymous comments are the same person but need to respond to both here.

Thank you, my healing is progressing on several fronts. I think I have completed fusion but now more answers are surfacing. Am ready to ease back into blogging, thank goodness. Will post before I leave this page today. Sounds like you've ha a grueling time. Healing energy coming at ya. It is an exhausing journey. So rest and then take another baby step ;-)

As to the betrayal by country. That has been tough. So much cynicism about government. Personally I feel change and hope in the Obama Administration. But I do feel that there are so many pedophiles and those involved in child exploitation which is teens into adulthood, that the country is infested at all levels.

I have hope for a time when someone highly respected "gets" it and makes it a cause. Education is good. But what we know is so prevalent and so covered up from child services to the highest levels of our judicial system, how can it come undone?

Good question, no answer. Am finally proud of my president though.