For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Jan 18, 2009

Project Mayhem Resolved

Wow. Doing that collage with the cigarettes has had some immediate results. I was wondering why I couldn't stop it myself since I knew what was being done. Plus, I got the name of "collage person". I posted a series of her pictures on the art blog awhile ago. Her name is Easel. I know. Slap self on forehead. She goes with art. The little blond girl who has appeared in several collages who I thought was a young Janie was Easel. You can see from my many images of Easel that she is always with short blond hair and has those delicate facial features.

Even though it sounded silly as I was asking inside, I wondered if we just couldn't have a "no smoking" policy so I wouldn't be "burned" again. My always knowledgeable protector indicated by knowing the answer, it was now undone. He also noted how brave Easel had been to show me the answer.

This morning I started off with loud high pitched screams because of the blister. After speaking to my SO about my internal conversation, I realized that the pain didn't even evoke an eek. It's sore but on it's way to resolving already.

This is the part I couldn't make up if I wanted to. Early programming was in Germany and spoken in German. I've kept German and Russian dictionaries near me through my healing since realizing I had clues in those languages too. Easel goes with artist in English but "esel" in German means ass--which is the site of my pain. I don't know if it was a cigarette or something like a cigarette. But some kind of probe was used to burn me.

Fight Club goes with fires and a photo shoot prior to the release of Fight Club had Brad Pitt with fires and a bunny! It all goes together in a very complex puzzle in a way nothing else could go together. The proof will be if I ever have blisters again in "that" area of my body. With all the memories and truth coming out now, that would be a much welcome relief. I thought it was neat that collaging led directly the undoing of this previously unending painful problem. Yes, alters can be trained to do all kinds of things to the body. Typically that's reserved for very sophisticated programming, which, unfortunately, I had.

I'm very happy that Esel is now officially Easel and expressing herself beautifully. I guess that might sound conceited but I'm actually very proud of "her", who I know is making herself known as part of healed me. The United States of Tara is at 10 p.m. My hopes are way up for the series. Please watch if you have Showtime to gain an understanding of multiples. The show can go a long way toward erasing the horribly negative image we survivors have and continue to endure.

1 comment:

sarah said...

wow...all I can say is wow...amazing how it all goes together..I hope the answers lead to relief..