For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Feb 26, 2009

"Callback" Programming

I began this collage by throwing all the images with alters in yellow on the page. It wasn't until I began arranging them that I saw it was both a flood program and a "go back 'home'" program. Both these topics may be very triggering to healing survivors. Please use caution in reading ahead. I do want therapists new to this concept and newly healing survivors of child exploitation to understand how this is supposed to work. You can successfully fight it. If you are aware of it, you can fight harder.

The program could be triggered by a date and time without external contact by a perp. During my healing, I fought many flooding and even more "return home" programs. Sometimes I had someone make sure I didn't leave the house until I felt the programming was no longer pulling me to do something against my will. When the program surfaces, there is a strong message to go visit someone from the past or just take a trip overnight. Once you get in the car or have made arrangements to be away from your safe home, the program is that a group of alters will take over consciousness taking you to the doorstep of whomever you were told to see when programmed.

I can see in my collage it was a family member. Her name came up often with this type of programming. Tinkerbelle goes with Peter Pan. Oddly (and unexplicable to me), I was to see "Wendy" which was the code name for this relative. My therapist's name is also Wendy. How this happened, I have no idea. So some of my really strong programming had me calling my therapist at two in the morning in a child state. Or I'd go to Wendy's the hamburger place. lol. Humorous system I had... The urge to leave home is overpowering. Knowing if you have trigger dates and/or times is helpful.

Do you often wake up at the same time? My time used to be 3:33 for years. Triple digits seem to be big with dates and times. Noticing the urge to leave would be the critical conscious part. If you are able to be aware that you have an irrational urge to go visiting or take a solo trip, call your therapist or a support person to make sure you do not act on your impulses. Fortunately a little can't drive. Usually it is a little who comes out and triggers the appropriate driving adult.

The flood part of programming is that it feels overwhelming. You can see on the collage there are a troupe of ballerinas as opposed to one ballerina for this to happen. Also many adult alters come out. Near the top right is conscious me "tied down". I'm also shown as dissociated at bottom center. Piano music is shown again which may go with the original programming or an internal alter might sing the song. Actually, I see it's a fairy sitting on the piano key! Okay, so Tinkerbelle sings. FWIW, my Tinkerbelle, once she joined the healing team, was a huge helper.

The ladybug poem was often heard in my head..."fly away home". I don't know if those were actual trigger words with some other signal (to include a date/time), but am sharing that knowledge in hopes of helping someone to not respond. I know this is scary and complicated for survivors. And the concept of "programming" or conditioning to cues as young children is so foreign to greater society. If what I write here stops one person from "going home", I would be so thrilled.

Please be gentle with yourselves in examining this collage.

Tinkerbelle warns of a flood
Tinkerbelle warns of a flood - by grace2244 on


Anonymous said...

I know this one all too well I took my son to the airport. This left me driving home alone; I almost drove to another state. I was exists past where I should gotten off the turnpike when I discovered I had no idea where I was.

Eliana Hephzibah said...

The more I read about, or observe your internal world and programming, the more similarities I see between you and me. Its strange. I gasped when I read about the ladybug thing. That book was my favorite as a preschooler. It was called, "Ladybird Quickly". I had it memorized and would "perform" it at the public library at age 3 for interested crowds of adults who thought I was reading.

Another strong callback phrase that was hard core programmed into me was the phrase from Wiz. of Oz, "There's no place like home".

Also another similarity. Wendy's have figured huge in my life as well. Don't know why. My first best friend (and was in the cult too) was a Wendy. Then as an adult I had two best friends in a row who were both cult caretakers of me and were both named Wendy.

I love how your recovering system "technically" obeyed the program by going to Wendy's restaurant instead. LOL. Exploiting a loophole to be sure. I love it!