For First Time Visitors

If you are a first time visitor to this blog, I invite you to start from the beginning, especially if you are unfamiliar with the potential emotional impact of long-term child abuse.

Trigger caution to unhealed survivors!

Understanding the Incomprehensible

Children of incest or long-term sexual abuse grow up to be wounded adults with complicated emotional issues. Unfortunately, some symptoms are misinterpreted or often dismissed as "crazy", only serving to maintain a tormented victim status. We, as a society, have the power to change this dynamic. Each of us can make a difference.

Feb 21, 2009

My path of fusion

Warrior Woman
Warrior Woman - by grace2244 on

Since the fusion of Ellie and Jane in December, my internal world has been working toward stabilizing and helping me understand what happened. Earlier this week, a second fusion occurred during therapy. Ellie was forced to live her life believing she was male for more than four decades knowing she was not male. She had to create a male entity though when cued. Ellie was Raven. Female Raven and male Raven. New information is Ellie was female Raven and Michael was male Raven. When Ellie fused, Michael stayed behind. Ellie and Michael did not reunite. One of my collages brought up a very strong feeling of disconnection inside. In therapy, I learned of Michael feeling like he didn't belong because all the others had transformed back into females. Michael chose to remain male. Jane and Ellie were happy to have Michael join them as three counterparts. All three integrated into my female inner wisdom Emmie.

Since that happened on Tuesday, the collages on this flip system have been non-stop. All pieces of to my story are now accessible through the fusion of Jane, Ellie, and Michael (a/k/a Grace). Because Emmie is a part of conscious me, I am slowly becoming fused with the others. I hadn't expected that route. The male identity system alters are all freed and healed or healing. I feel lighter but understand internally I have to remain in the background to stay clear of flooding (flashbacks, nightmares, abreactions). My protectors have guided me well. I feel like a recluse having checked out of external life now for several months.

When the dust has settled on this fusion, my wish is that the rest of my life truly will be better. I want to be able to enjoy some life medically and emotionally healed operating on my own free will. Thanks to anyone taking this journey with me.

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